It has now been three days without receiving any responses from the candidates in the riding of Carleton-Mississippi Mills to my question concerning their policy on the CBC Radio Two programming changes. (For the record, I am only counting weekdays - I sent the original question on Tuesday, September 30, so three working days have elapsed without receiving a reply.)
I imagine a scene in one of the candidate's offices. Bob and Ted, two of the candidate's staff, are at their desks:
"Hey, Ted, have you answered that question yet from that guy, Wooten?"
"Lemme check. (Ted thumbs his Black furiously.) Woodhead? The guy that believes that flatulent Beavers are a major cause of global warming and wants to develop GMO Aspens with Simethicone in the bark to relieve the Beaver's excess gas? I forwarded that question to the Green Party - more their territory."
"No, not Woodhead. Wooten. It came last Tuesday."
"Let's see. (Ted continues to work his Black.) How about this one, from the Reverend Woodside, who claims that all the members of his congregation are "his children" and wants to be able to claim the child tax credit for all 352 of them. Is that it?"
"No, no! Wooten! W-O-O-T-E-N!"
"OK, here we go. Wooten. The guy who's complaining about the CBC Radio Two programming changes. Is that it?"
"Yeah, that's the one."
"What, he doesn't like Jian Ghomeshi?"
"No, no, that's CBC Radio One. He's talking about CBC Radio Two. Y'know, the one that plays Classical music. The dead white Europeans. The three B's. The music that shaped our culture."
"What, the Dead Kennedys? The Beastie Boys? The early Stones, Led Zep, Aerosmith? I listen to that stuff all the time." (Ted starts to jive in his chair, moving to an imaginary rhythm.)
"No, no! Classical Music! The compositions of Brahms, Beethoven, Bach! Mozart! Sibelius! He's complaining that the CBC has gone commercial, and taken away from Canadians the only nation-wide source of Classical music! He says that the CBC did this without consulting Canadians and, what's more, that Canadians are the owners of the CBC and should have a voice in the direction of the CBC!"
"Hah! What drugs is he on? The CBC is a Crown Corporation! As such, it's day-to-day operations are hands-off as far as Parliament and the Minister are concerned."
"Yes, but the government of the day has the responsibility to ensure that the taxpayer's dollars are being spent responsibly. That means providing some oversight over the Crown Corporation, to make sure they're not doing crazy things! To make sure that they live up to their mandate! To make sure they're serving a useful purpose, not just emulating popular culture! Right?"
"Ah, taxpayers, shmackpayers. What are they good for? Just vote for us and don't worry."
"Ted, how did you get this job again?"
"The candidate is my uncle. Remember?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember."